Ep.2 Fear of Fear?

On this episode,

It’s Sunday and tomorrow means it’s back to the grind. I usually like to be somewhat productive on the weekends, or at least on Sunday’s, taking care of all the things I can’t get to during the week. I go to work from 6:30am to about 5:30pm depending on the case load. Some surgeries take longer than others but there’s usually someone to relieve me when it’s time for me to go home. Posting another submission was one of the things on my weekend to-do list, however I found myself being a complete lazy bum who enjoyed pie multiple times from Friday night through to this morning for breakfast…that’s right I said breakfast. No shame. I had planned originally to make this post about the weekend our country’s had in regards to the beautiful demonstration of resistance that was shown in various cities in America and the fact that Krusty the Klown was just sworn in. I mean just based on the memes that have flooded my timeline on both Instagram and Facebook alone shows how much of joke this next 4 years is going to be. An unfunny joke, but a joke nonetheless. The funniest poster I saw via Instagram from one of the March’s that happened on Saturday read, “I’ve seen better cabinets at IKEA”. 

Recently I spoke to a couple people that have read my blog and were inspired to write and share their stories. I think it’s wonderful and only let’s me know that my blog is working. To inspire others is one of my dreams to live out in this life. When speaking with one of my fellow writers, they came to a “road block” where they were afraid of revealing too much or offending people they know might take offense to their story. I understand that completely, the purpose of this blog is to never offend anyone, but to simply share my voice and a few funny stories here and there.  It’s also the purpose of this blog not to be concerned with other people’s opinions. With that being said, I can’t say that I would give hot fiery Cheetos about anyone’s negativity towards my art. If someone gets offended because I used a specific name, time & place in one of the posts, then that’s something to acknowledge and address. However, if I were to paint a nameless, faceless, vague but illustrated scenario for my readers and you get offended then that can’t be my fault. If a particular story resonates with you but no where in there did you see your name or anything specific that describes you, at that point all I can do is give you a shoulder shrug and remind you that if the boot fits feel free to lace that bitch up and wear it. I’ve spent a lot of time…..and I do mean A LOT of time, worrying about other people’s opinion and offending this person and that person when I shouldn’t have been. That’s not the point in sharing YOUR story. I follow a couple of writing pages on Instagram and one of the quotes that one of them posted read: “You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they shouldv’e behaved better.”  There’s also a song by Jazmine Sullivan called Fear, if you get a chance I encourage to give it a listen if you’re experiencing the same issue that I and a lot of other people face when it comes to giving a piece of themselves to the world.

When I look back on all things I was afraid of in regards to showing who I am, the question that pops in my head is why? What the hell is there to be afraid of? That people won’t like me? I hardly like people to begin with. That I might lose people (friends, family)? I think I’m a pretty awesome person and if I lose people for being me then our time together has come to an end I wish you the best. It happens though. These fears are natural. Then the question is, do we let those fears stop us from living? I’m 27 years old am still learning things about myself and accepting that learning stuff about yourself and the world around you NEVER ends. For instance, I recently told my mother that I’m bisexual and what I learned was that it’s okay. Not only that but in telling my friends I learned that no ones gives a shit. My mother’s was the best, she basically gave me this look like, “and?” Not that she swept it under the rug or was passive, it was honestly no big deal. All the time I spent worrying about who’s going to say what and who’s going to have an opinion on me, when none of that shit matters. Only thing that matters is how I’m living my life and what I choose to do with the time I have on this planet. I’ve watched so many people in my life keep themselves from doing or experiencing or even allowing themselves to experiment with ANYTHING (sex, drugs, etc) all because of fear of what someone else is going to say; but what do you say? 

Before I go I’ll leave you with this. If you never gave yourself the opportunity to try something new or that thing you’ve always wanted to try but never had the balls to, why not start now? Believe me I know what that fear feels like (especially them “family whispers” that they think no one hears). And if age is the thing that blocks you from walking through a door like a bouncer at a club just remember, a lot of people didn’t really live until after they lived through some things first. Bernie Mac didn’t start comedy until he was well in to his 40’s. Vera Wang designed her first dress at 40. Even the man who invented Instant Ramen Noodles didn’t come out with that shit til he was damn near 50. Google it if you don’t believe me, I did. All I’m saying is, we all have a story to tell and fear shouldn’t keep us from telling it or simply just living and being. 

Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What’s important is the action. You don’t have to wait to be confident.Just do it and eventually the confidence will follow. -Carrie Fisher

Until the next episode…Peace 

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